(Not So) F.A.Q.

What are those crazy words you use that I don’t understand?

ABV – Alcohol By Volume. Determines how quickly it will get you drunk.
APA – American Pale Ale. Much better than Nigerian Pale Ale.
BA – BeerAdvocate.com. Where I steal all my reviews from.
BMC – Bud/Miller/Coors. The unholy trinity of brewers that keep the little guys down. Also they ran over your dog.
Hefe – Hefeweizen. A German beer style that makes life worth living.
Hops – The tasty part of beer that gives various flavors and bitterness levels. They are the reason this blog exists.
Hop Head – Person who loves hoppy beers. Craft beer equivalent to a meth addict.
IBU – International Bitterness Units. Causes bitter beer face in noobs.
– Indian Pale Ale. What I assume Jesus’ tears taste like.
Lagunitas – Pronounced LAH-GOO-NEE-TAS. Delicious.
Nose – How the beer smells. Also the focal point of your face.
Quad – Quadrupel. Big strong beer style that’s four times better than what you’re currently drinking.
Session beer – A beer that you can drink all day, usually less than 5% ABV in it. Perfect for day drinking escapades.
Ticker – Someone, like myself, who likes to try every beer once. No time to repeat beers when there’s so many others I need to bash!

How do you rate beers?

I use the system that has been adopted by most self-appointed beer experts. It consists of four different aspects for which the brew that should be appreciated. These include: Appearance, Smell, Taste, and Mouthfeel. I try to stay as impartial as possible when it comes to different styles, though I absolutely have biases and pre-determined notions about certain beers. My goal is to rate it based on how it represents the style, not my individual taste buds or what’s on the label. Either way, my ratings are completely arbitrary and should start some friendly discussions with the occasional insult.

What’s your favorite non-craft beer?

If I had to choose, I’d have to go with the one and only Silver Bullet. It’s the only beer that tells you when it’s sufficiently colder than just cold by the color of its mountains. The beer that’s colder than Ice Cube himself…. Coors Light. Vortex bottles are for pansies! Many ‘o college nights were spent playing beer pong with a thirty case of Diet Coors while peer pressuring freshman to inhale beer bongs filled to the rim with the stuff. Alas, I am now older, fatter, and lamer and tend to prefer actually appreciating the taste of beer going down, rather than fearing it on its way up.

What’s the difference between a beer geek and a beer snob? Which one are you?

I guess it’s easy to get these two terms get mixed up fairly often as both can be annoying and they seem to be interchanged frequently by non-craft beer fans. I’d have to say the quickest and easiest way to differentiate between the two is their attitude. Beer snobs are usually assholes – it’s that simple. They’re assholes about  what they’re drinking, what you’re drinking, what you should be drinking, and what you haven’t tried yet. Got a Bud Light in your hand? You are pathetic and deserve to choke on your cheap swill…….. As a budding beer geek, I still happily drink a Coors Light/Bud Light/Miller Lite when handed to me, though I might recommend a new beer to try; but only if you actually give a crap about my opinion of course.

Favorite brewery?

The only good thing to come from Indiana other than corn that I can think of is Three Floyds. I have yet to really be let down by those guys. Some other beer sorcerers that tickle my fancy include Founders, Smuttynose, and Bells. I’m sure this list will grow as I discover newer and harder to find beers.

Oh yea, and I hate to sound like such a Chicago homer but Goose Island does put some pretty quality stuff out too. Real talk.

Do you ever get sexually aroused by a new beer?

Let’s just say I get a weird feeling in my trousers when I find a great beer. And I wouldn’t want you to see my internet search history due to all the graphic beer erotica. I’m ashamed to admit that I’m typing this with one hand right now actually….

Why haven’t you reviewed X/Y/Z beer?

Because I either A) haven’t tried it yet or B) haven’t taken actual tasting notes on it. I’ve had countless beers without really appreciating them and my goal is to go back and give each a fair review. But this takes a while, so be on the lookout for new ones.

Where do you go to find new beers?

Binny’s in Orland Park – Selection is great for local craft beers and imports. Rares sell out quickly. Lots of knowledgeable employees.
Friar Tuck’s in Bloomington – Awesome “Mix-Six” variety selection to try new singles of beers. Standard prices.
Kenwood Liquors in Oak Lawn – Surprisingly decent selection for its size. Usually the best prices but has a parking lot that makes you want to murder a nun.
George’s Wine & Spirits in Merrionette Park, which has the best selection I know of and average prices. Stock isn’t always fresh though.

What “hyped up” beers are you on the lookout for?

Pliny the Elder – Russian River Brewing
Pliny the Younger – Russian River Brewing
Temptation – Russian River Brewing
Zombie Dust – Three Floyds (Reviewed January 2012)
120 Minute IPA – Dogfish Head
CBS Imperial Stout – Founders Brewing
Kentucky Breakfast Stout – Founders Brewing
Lagunitas Sucks Holiday Ale – Lagunitas
Trappist Westvleteren 12 – Brouwerij Westvleteren
St. Bernardus Abt 12 – Brouwerij St. Bernardus NV
– Bell’s Brewery
The Abyss – Deschutes Brewery
King Henry – Goose Island
Ten FIDY – Osker Blues Brewing

If you happen to find any of these in bottle/growler form, please send them my way as you will be handsomely rewarded by this handsome man.

I know an awesome beer! Try it!

That’s not really a question, but ok. Shoot me an email or hit me up on Twitter and let me know what I’m missing out on so I can try it and spread the word. I’m also always lurking on Beeradvocate, so feel free to message me there as well.


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